Culture Add and Core Values


In theory when you set you sights on charging a new path as an entrepreneur, even with careful planning some mistakes will be made along the way. I read a post the other day on social that said, “Launch the business anyway and fix it later.” I said you know what, they just might be on to something.

It is not enough to want simply want something, you have to work for it. Right now everyone is home, the wheels are turning, and businesses are popping out everywhere. I perhaps am just a tad bit overthinking my next moves because I struggle with wanting everything to go just right and now have to backtrack too much unnecessarily.

Sitting in on webinars, masterclasses, and taking email courses over the years, I find myself looking at my brag bank to gain more insight on my culture add. I picked this term up in a masterclass on creating your own e-course to generate revenue. The thought of creating a course is exciting, especially one designed around the idea of goal setting, and after all I am a teacher but I second guess myself and that is a mindset block that I have to work through.

I can tell me story over and over about what it is like to be a working mom with author ambition and teaching fulltime, but who is truly paying attention. My career experience, education, relationship failures are things that busy moms can relate to so launching and relaunching is tedious for me because fixing things later feels like something I am always doing. For example, I have been fixing and recycling, My Fourth Year in Middle School: The Truth About Teaching because that is where my edupreneur journey started. The going thing now is to turn your book into a business and I must say that has been tough which is why my next work is been completed with more care and strategy.

I can add to the culture based on my mothering skills and how I fought in the past and currently fight through the tough times because my sons need me. My identity is beyond the classroom and I find myself mentoring people both directly and indirectly because I’m available and so is my content. The places I have been rather long term or short term further shape my experiences as well as my education which I am extremely proud of myself for acquiring. Discipline saw me through my degrees even at the times I wanted to quit and keeping it real and being authentic is the only thing I know how to do.

So what do I take a stand for: I take a stand for divorces moms balancing work and home while trying to sustain some normalcy in my life. I stand for the overlooked female entrepreneur that is tired but continues to try anyway. I am one of many authors with a lot to say but has yet to fall on the right ears. I am the speaker with a voice that has fought battles internal and external because quitting is not an option. I stand for the women who believe even when life has a way of being interrupted and not always being fair. So now what? It is all about the connection.

I bring genuine reality to the room because let’s face it, being a good mother and having stability in my our lives in something that all mothers strive to have. A lot of women are independent and we value being positive role models to our child/children. We value being able to provide holistic support to our kids because they will learn from us how to cope with life. Most importantly peace of mind is the root of all we do because understanding what is for us (you) cannot be taken away from you when you actually put in the work.

So yes, start the business. Write the book. Use your creativity. Chase your dreams.

You can add to the culture in your own individuality and uniqueness because once you know who you are, you dare not compromise your values.

-LaTilya

Mindset of a Mom

I grew up in a single parent home so my only depiction of motherhood was watching my mom. I would see the moms on my favorite television shows and realize quickly that my mom was nothing like them and my house did not look like those. That was okay though because my mom worked her ass off to take care of me without the help of my father. I’m sure that was easier said that done considering I was born in 1981.

It is alway funny to hear people say, “Tilya, you look just like your mother.” My knee-jerk reaction is to respond, “Who in the hell else am I supposed to look like.” But I just nod and smile.

The parallels in my mom’s life to mine is underwhelming because we made different choices in careers, and marital statuses, but the love she had for me as a child is the same love I share for my children. Not to speak ill of my mom, but watching her work as hard as she did, I promised myself that I would have better career choices. However, when I was at my lowest so was my motivation. I could not give up, but I wanted too.

When my oldest son was in kindergarten, his father and I had recently separated. Marriage is hard, but when it is not working, it may be time to let it go. But he was a talkative little lad, and knew a lot for his age because we always talked to him, never gibberish. Well one day he told his teacher, “My mom cries a lot a night.” Imagine how surprised I was when the teacher said this as his father and I sat in a parent/teacher conference. My eyes immediately welled with tears because I was carrying mom-guilt.

Looking into someone’s face everyday, you have no idea the heaviness that they are carrying deep down inside. The brokenness someone feels when they tried to do everything right but felt like they were coming up short every single time. I can only imagine the pain my mother felt doing it alone as I struggled to start my life over absent of my husband. I was 27 years old, a year or two out of the Air Force and adjusting to my second year of teaching. My plate was FULL. However, when I was at my lowest I could not give up, but I wanted too.

Hindsight is often 20/20. My mom was tired, I mean, at the age of five I had a key to the apartment and let myself in each day waiting for her to get home from work. The term then was latch-key kid, but you do that nowadays and you’ll be in jail. It is amazing the lengths mothers go through to make sure that their children feel cared for, loved and protected. Again, I watched my mom do it alone for me, so I put that same energy into my sons.

Pushing through seems to be second nature for moms because even when we are tired, we take care of our children sometimes before we take care of ourselves. We shrink behind our kids not even realizing that we are neglecting ourselves. We get tired. We take things personally while co-parenting. We are irritable from lack of rest. We cry at night when we feel misunderstood because in my private conversations and attempts to get our points across, the blame is shifted. I cannot even begin to count the number of times I was told, “If you’d just listen and shut up”, as if that was effective communication. It is draining to this day and was draining at the time of my separation.

My mom never got married so getting married then divorced for me was a big deal. I was embarrassed because what if people look at me like I am the problem in my marriage when there needed to be more compromises. What if as a mom, I’m failing my kids the same way I failed my husband as a wife? All of these transitions as a mom wore on me emotionally and mentally. I was at my lowest. I could not give up, but I wanted to.

There have been too many times in the past few years that I questioned my own authority in and of my life. This is not to negate other people’s responsibilities and to say that my feelings are all that matter. But feeling helpless when you are trying your best takes a toll and makes you, a mother as I am, or anyone question your judgement. There’s no middle ground.

One minute you’re a young mom trying to make things happen in a positive way while scared at the same time. Next minute life has taught you many lessons and you find a way to balance what you thought you knew with what you have learned. As with anything in life, becoming a mother is an ongoing learning experience. Let’s face it, we know nothing when we start and we know not a thing about our children with each mistake they make as well as our own mistakes.

The mindset of a mother is to continue in times of uncertainty, recharge when we need to, and remember who we are when we forget that being a mom is not our only job. Mom guilt is real especially when you want all of the answers but your only option is to keep trying. Moms are their kids superheroes. We often strive to prove to our kids that we can do anything, so we do.

Thanks for reading and remember to join my email list.

~LaTilya

BRAG Differently 2.0

It’s been one hellava past few months with everything that’s going on but I’m still chugging along. Someone out there needs my writing so I’m going to keep going.

Listen, we have to face our fears because it took us all some time to embrace what we have learned in our lives.
I have been bad at a few things:
➡️ Daughter
➡️ Student
➡️ Girlfriend 😂
➡️ Wife 😏
➡️ Airman (When I was active duty)
➡️ Mom (especially when kids don’t get their way)
➡️ Writer (lacking strategy and a plan)
➡️ Teacher (didn’t have a clue in 2008)

Now as I push forward wearing my many hats and trying different things daily, I do so with the mindset of being the voice that someone needs. I mean after all we all have something going in our lives that we can brag about so welcome to B.R.A.G. Differently 2.0

B. Believe in yourself and that things in your life can change for the better. I listed a few things that I have been bad at and when I look at my life I’m glad that I made some of the changes that I have. Being a teenage daughter is far different from being an adult daughter. But being a wife and then divorced takes on a different meaning when it comes to your status. I was scared as hell to start my life over as a single woman after my first divorce, but I had to BELIEVE that I deserved better. I had to work on me and believe that I was capable of having a fulfilling life even if that meant not a having a man by my side. I mean after all, I was raised by a single mom, and she did it so I can do it too. Backing away from that, let’s just say I had to learn how to believe in my abilities and know that I would find my way through this thing called life.

R. Receive what the universe has to offer you that brings out the good in you. Everything that is sent your way is not necessarily for your good and could be lessons that you’ll learn later. That’s probably why my second marriage was a huge lesson for me. GOOD VIBES only, so receive the good shit and reject the bad shit because this is a season for growth.

A. Adjusting to the changes in your life is a humbling experience. I mean let’s face it ya’ll, we can’t predict the future so we are always adjusting anyway. From childhood to adulthood was a huge adjustment period and I’m sure we drove our parents crazy which in turn as adults we watch out children do the same. LOL! Man being flexible is tiresome but it’s a necessity.

G. Growing is a goal in life. At 38, I’m so glad I’m not who I was at 28, or even 18 for that matter. If I was the same person as an adult that I was as a teenage, Bless It Jesus! LOL! We have to grow and push past out comfort zone if we really want to reach our full potential. Even when things feel like it’s falling apart we must practice patience. Growing pains really, truly hurt but it’s some beautiful on the other side of the lesson you learn.

So connect with me so we can all begin B.R.A.G. Differently http://bit.ly/GetRightwithDoc

~LaTilya

Handling COVID-19

“Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.” Hebrews 12:15 NLT

Two weeks ago we were in school waiting to hear the direction our district was going to take to handle this health crisis. I knew I would miss my students and I do and here we are now “officially” on Spring Break. Parents went from working their full-time jobs to becoming full-time teachers in a matter of two weeks. Some parents have had to juggle both. Teachers went from explaining work to students to explaining to parents. It’s been an adjustment for everyone.

As a mother finding balance with my career and chasing my dreams of being a writer and influencer has its moments of uncertainty. And with the world panicking right now, it is so unclear as to what direction we are actually heading in life. I have stability in my career, but right now with the shift to education online, test suspension, and suspended attendance accountability, even my career is questionable. At times the drive for more is my push to do more. I talk about it, but truthfully entrepreneurship is hard. 

Now is a time for reflection and I think about my early ambition as a author as I shared my transition into teaching, the dissolution of my marriage, and my trials as a new teacher in my first book, My Fourth Year In Middle School: The Truth About Teaching and that was such a huge mountain to get over. Sharing my story, my ups and downs have become my survival guide because now I persevere when things get tough. But so many of the self-publishing gurus have a tricky way of making you feel like even when you share you story that you need their expertise to take YOU to the next level. Who knows? I mean I dropped this book in 2016 and it is still a staple for how my career started and a conversation starter for people considering coming into the field of education.

Now the classroom is enjoyable and teaching my students has its days, so right now 12 years in I’m holding up because the reality is I still have children to take care of and this pays the bills until something catches for me and I’m able to take off into other things. Not being in the classroom mid-March was unthought of it crazy as hell when you think about it. So now I have time to work on this next book. I plan to do things completely different with this one. It’s time that I DREAM BIGGER!

I’m not rushing. I’m creating things in my own lane and bringing forth my personality in my content. Gentle reminder and #notetoself , I don’t have to do what everybody else is doing and my next book will explain it all. I’ll prove to myself that I can and I will. That’s all that matters to me. 

We are living one day at a time in my house and I’m praying for the hearts and minds of everyone still out working and saving lives.  

These are my thoughts today as a mother~author~teacher.

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