Every Diamond Has Imperfections

“Had I not created my whole world, I would certainly have died in other people’s.”     ~Anais Nin

It is humanly impossible to judge someone based on the chapter of their life that you walk in on.  Far from perfect, but some days I want to allow the “inner me” to tear some stuff up and put people in their place, but I HAVE TOO MUCH going on in my life.  If I ever allowed my disruptive situations to dictate my every move I am pretty sure I would not have the freedom to walk away from the things that are not helping me grow.

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We all have the choice to stay in unhealthy relationships and hope for the best, or walk away into a life that will help you be your best you.  In seasonal changes of life you will lose some people that you once thought the world of but in actuality they served their purpose in your life and it’s time to move on.  These experiences sharpen your awareness of self and help you realize that being flawed does not make you imperfect.

It is true that one of the hardest things to do in life is to decide whether to HOLD ON or LET GO! Ultimately, you’ll decide to let go of what hurts you if it’s not propelling your personal growth.

Your life experiences shape and mold your character.  By no means is my life perfect and devoid of bad choices, I have just learned how to be a broken crayon and still color.  The smile on my face is because of my determination to be a better version of me each day.  The tears I cried over all the things that have fallen apart in my life were opportunities to cleanse my soul and embrace my personal trials.  LIFE is HARD but Life GOES ON!

My world…my individuality…my uniqueness sets me apart.  I’m a rare design creating my own path because my hunger for more in life keeps me going.  As I continue to find out more about myself, experience all of the things that life has to offer, and learn from my seasons in life, I value my existence.  I don’t have time to belittle anyone’s life because I have not walked a day in their shoes.

Being perfectly imperfect is okay with me.

I will not dim my light just so someone else can shine.  I will not be less great because I find myself in the rough from time to time.  I’m a rare cut…CUSTOM CLOTH…completely original…AUTHENTIC and GENUINE.  Being a diamond in the rough does not make you less desirable than diamonds on display.  It makes you more refined because of your purity.

I make myself better…once I’m better, being perfectly flawed becomes my beauty.

~LaTilya Rashon

Short Stories-No Strings Attached: Charli and Tristan Part 1

Charli and Tristan: Innocent Love

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Charli had felt the pressure to lose her virginity and soon found out that it was not worth all of the hype.  The experience was not pleasant and when she got her next boyfriend he automatically assumed that they would have sex too.  She did but it was more so because she didn’t want him to break up with her rather than wanting to really have sex.  After all peer pressure was hell for a girl her age because having the maturity to say no just did not exist.  It was not until she met Tristan that she realized that not all boys were the same.

Charli had seen Tristan around school, and was actually friends with his brother Trae. She could not keep her eyes off of him, Tristan was everything.  Her heart skipped a beat when she would see him and wondered if he ever looked at her in the same way.  Having a crush on someone and them not knowing was a relief because it saved her the embarrassment of rejection.  But after a couple of years of watching him from a distance, Charli began to notice how his eyes always found a way to meet with hers.

She sat at the top of the bleachers one Sunday at the park and she spotted Tristan walking across the field.  He had matured a lot but still had his smooth baby face, and chocolate skin that made her heart flutter.  They had never spoken more than a few words to each other in passing, but this particular day something felt different.  Tristan dapped a few dudes up as he walked towards the basketball courts, stood in the crowd with some others because he was dressed to play this particular Sunday.  He headed towards the bleachers and Charli wondered if he would come her way and he did.

She felt a pinch on her side and there he was, Tristan, smiling up at her showing his beautiful white teeth.  “Hey Charli,” he said leaning as he propped his elbows up beside her hip slightly touching it.  “What’s up Trist,” she said looking down at him trying to play it cool.  They had been playing phone tag, and she was sure that he had gotten the message from his older sister that she had called him.  Charli wasn’t exactly shy, but sometimes leaving a message for him was scary especially when their grandmother answered the phone.  She always seemed so aggravated.

Whenever Charli and Tristan talked it was always long enough for him to tell her that he would be out and about for a while but he would hit her up later.  He was a corner boy and she knew what that meant and pretty soon his phone calls were long enough just to say, “I’ll be by to see you later.”  That didn’t stop Charli from calling, sometimes she’d call just so he would know she reached out.

They would see each other many times in different places.  The park on Sundays, the corner store where everybody hung out to shoot pool and listen to Tupac blasting from the jukebox, the teen club Paradise, and teen night up at Voodoo’s on Tuesday nights during the summer.  There was always a subtle hello, a slight grab of the arm, a glance across the room, or a whisper in the ear to step outside so they could talk.  No one was blind to it.  Charli and Tristan had the true what’s understood don’t need to be explained relationship.  Not exactly boyfriend and girlfriend but it was more than friendship.

Charli’s mom worked at night, so on the weekend her friends would fall through and parlay at the house for a few hours just laughing and shooting the shit.  Ironically the crew that would fall through was friends of Tristan’s that were also involved with Charli’s friends.  The circle was tight and everybody guarded each other’s relationships.  By the time everyone would clear out slightly after midnight, Charli would retreat to her room full of nothing but love for her friends and guarder of their secrets.  Her eyes would shut for maybe thirty minutes before hearing a tap at the front door.

Checking the clock, it displayed 12:57 a.m.  Without precaution, Charli walked to the door and opened it without asking who it was.  Many times this would happen.  She’d open the door, turn, and then walk back to her room.  Tristan would step in, shut the door, and follow the path leading him to her.  To Charli, Tristan always smelled like a freshly smoked blunt and Cool Water cologne.  He was tired from beating block and wanted to rest.

Stepping into Charli’s room, she walked towards him and wrapped her arms around his neck giving him her love disguised as a hug.  He’d wrap his arms around her waist squeezing her in return.  They’d stand there face to face.  “Hey Trist,” she said, “It’s late.”  Simple sentences, no questions.  “Yeah, I know but I wanted to see you,” he said smoothly.  Charli just looked at him and smiled, “Good, but I was laying down,” she’d say turning back towards her bed, climbing to the middle of it.  Tristan would kick off his shoes and join her.

There was no pressure.  There were no lies.  He was the only dude she was interested in and waited for him to come see her most of the time.  She knew that he was a corner boy.  He was also older than her but he never tried to take advantage of her.  Tristan turned her face towards his and kissed her.  His lips were soft, his tongue was warm, and his touch made her comfortable.  He whispered, “Thank you for not turning me away.”

Charli kissed him back, lovingly.  She looked in his eyes and heard his sincerity then turned on her side.  Tristan reached under her shirt and pulled her closer to him and held her while he napped lightly.  His internal alarm woke him up.  He’d grabbed his shoes and pulled Charli towards the door, he knew her mom would be home from work soon.  He hugged her again, and then walked out the door.  She closed it behind him.  She loved him at a very young age.

They spent time like this on the regular.  Charli was his safe place.  Tristan was hers.

To be continued…

7 Things You Should Do In 2017

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In this New Year things will be different for some people, will remain the same for others, but it will ultimately represent completion for the risk takers, over-achievers, and GOAL DIGGERS!  I am a few months shy from the rebirth of my blog and with all of the things I have done with writing, experimenting, and finding my niche, I am moved by LIFE!

So as I was sitting home on New Year’s Day I had a burst of energy and the title, 7 Things You Should Do In 2017 popped in my head.  So here goes…

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Turning 35 in December put me smack dab in the middle of my 30s and Lord it hit me and I wasn’t READY!  But now as I look at my career over the past few years, six years in the military, a near year of working at Child Support Services (Not ideal for the working man), and in the middle of my ninth year in the traditional classroom (middle school teacher)…I am ready for something different.

I have earned multiple degrees (A.A.S., A.A., B.A., MPA, Ed.S., and Ed.D.), so now I want to transition into Higher Education.  So on with the pursuit!  If there is something that you want to do, the worse that can happen is being told no, but that does not mean give up.  That just means pour yourself into your pursuit.  It’s time and I feel in my gut that it is going to happen. This is my year!  So follow your instincts and take a leap, you just might enjoy the ride.  *Refreshing my resume, LinkedIn, Higher Ed. jobs account, and EVERYTHING else.*  Wish me luck!

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I found, booked, and fully paid for a cruise to Jamaica in 2014, but due to extenuating circumstances I was unable to go so I loss $1500.  Sounds like chump change right?  No the hell it don’t.  But after sitting at home these past two holidays…Thanksgiving and Christmas… I have decided I bet I won’t be here next year.  It is time to plan my trip to Jamaica and anywhere else I want to go.  I will escape my home life and you should too.  Whether it’s domestic or international, invest in yourself, your peace of mind, and take yourself somewhere that you’ve always wanted to go.  Jamaica…Aruba…Virgin Islands…Turks and Caicos… I swear I must have been an islander in my past life and thank goodness I already have a PASSPORT.

Write and Publish Your Own Book61yromeb5hl                                                      Everyone has a story or two to tell.  We are all made unique and our life experiences shape us into divine individuals.  For some my life as a country girl from a single parent home that has grown up to do the things I have done is inspiring and for some it might be a bore.  But what I know is that regardless of your backstory, somebody is interested in reading it.  Writing My Fourth Year in Middle School: The Truth About Teaching was extremely personal because it was my journey into teaching.  It’s not about the money; it’s about sharing my words, my talent, and my expressions.  So I challenge you all to put it on paper and watch it grow.  Tell your story…someone needs to hear it.

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Being recently separated after being married for a couple of years, I am suddenly facing no longer being married (I’m not mad, I’m GOOD and so is LIFE).  Oh My Goodness I was blindsided by some things but clearly it was time to let go.  But there are some really good looking men in this world so when a man steps correctly-spend time with him, get to know him, Netflix and Chill with himJ  Ain’t nothing wrong with kicking it with the opposite sex…respect your space…set your boundaries….but be an adult about all of that.  Have a crush, get you a kiss, hold hands, go to movies…throw on some Xscape and Just Kick It! YOLO! LOL!

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I have decided that I will purchase gift cards each month leading into the holiday season, but I need my NEST EGG to be back where it used to be.  Don’t get caught up in helping others (the parentals are not included) that you tell yourself NO.  I used to be able to have a few thousands in my savings but when you HELP someone too often you end HURTING yourself.  I don’t know anything about 501ks, stocks, bonds, cd’s…so that is going to be my next INVESTMENT…  I need my duckets lined up in a row.  My teacher retirement is one thing but the way my mind set up… Give Me More!  I’m trying to save enough for all of those rainy days…besides by the time my rays of sunshine (Lil Phil and Pressy) go on to college, I’ll be paying out of pocket! Jesus Fix It!  I need and you need your savings to match your mortgage and car note for at least three months.  I’m Just Saying!

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Blogs are the new diary.  Everybody can become Bridgette Jones.  Yes everyone has one but what is the message in your blog?  Crazily everyone is taking this blogging business haphazardly as I look around at people with profitable blogs.  You may not be looking today to express your thoughts, share your life, or build your platform but you have something to say and share.  I love my journey.  I love my blog and the feedback I get from it lets me know that I am reaching further than I imagined.  I am not really stuck on lifestyle, spirituality, or beauty…but now people are turning their personal interests into a business, and so should you.

Don’t Dwell on the Past

No one cares about your past unless you make it a reoccurring topic.  You have to ask yourself how am I going to build a brighter future.  Dwelling in the past does not propel your future.  Jobs/careers are not always dreamy, relationships fail, and life is always a battlefield you just have to decide to have faith or stress about what you can’t control.  Everyone has a past.  Live for today and take nothing for granted because your life has already been designed, outlined, and determined.  Because of my faith I am where I am supposed to be and I don’t REGRET a single thing.  Let Go and Move On!

In this New Year, I will strike out like never before and accomplish more.  I saw a meme that said it nice to see girls names on degrees rather than club flyers…check my resume…check my LinkenIn… these 7 Things You Should Do in 2017  will most definitely help me and YOU #BragDifferent

 ~TilyaRealEyes

35 Random Thoughts on the Eve of my 35th Birthday

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I’m sitting here under my chocolate, velvet throw blanket on this gloomy day one day before my birthday.  Tomorrow is MY National Holiday and I have the most random, sincere, thought-provoking and heartbreaking thoughts running through my mind.

35. The holidays have seemed to go by in a blur since 2009.

34. This is the first Christmas that my children have gone without seeing their father. (I’m sure someone will make sure to tell on me for this one… good for you!)

33.  My children really do have everything they could ever ask for…go karts don’t count because they had gas powered four wheelers when they much younger (like 5 and 7)

32.  How is the world did I manage to forget to renew my driver’s license the day before my birthday.

31.  My husband’s problems overshadowed my graduation in June… I got my Doctorate, he lost his job shortly after.

30. One of my older cousins was murdered Mother’s Day weekend…we weren’t close but my mom was one of his favorite aunt’s.

29. It took me five years to complete my degree…Doctor of Education…I’m so damn proud of myself.

28. I self-published my first book and what an experience that has been.  I’m proud of myself.

27. My babies are growing up…Lil Phil will be 13 in March, I’m not ready.

26. Preston is going to be in the 6th grade next school term; I am going to cry my eyes out…he’s my heartbeat.

25.  I’m ready to transition into Higher Education…

24.  One day I have got to make it to Jamaica…that is my dream trip. (Who’s going with me?)

23.  I got so focused on someone else that I forgot to keep my “star player” in check…#LIFELESSON

22.  I decided that I really like Patron…Anejo (the orange box)…it’s so smooth

21.  I need a new hobby…I’m considering couponing (my children eat a lot)

20.  I binge watched the third season of Power and it was alright, Angela really upset by turning on Ghost in the end… I blame Tommy!

19. I really have been living separately from HIM since July…trying to support his job opportunities.  Now it’s a permanent separation! (Someone else will tell on me for this one too… Good job to you too!)

18. September introduced a shift in the atmosphere and I realized I had to get some things in order…your gut don’t lie.

17.  It was time to lose weight, and I lost 20 lbs.  I guess a little stress and watching what you eat does that to you.

16. I know most of these things on this list are not directly about me but they consume my thoughts.

15.  For the past few months I literally have been waking up at 3:30 each morning, praying then going back to sleep.  I can’t explain it, but my spirit just wasn’t resting well.

14.  Some people think that I am strong because of the things that I have experienced, but most days I feel so anti and want to stay home because I get tired of PUSHING through the BS.

13.  I have stopped trying to see the good in everybody…I either fool with you or I don’t…and if I don’t trust me, you’ll know.

12.  Football season for my son’s was LIT!  Preston got faster…he’s a beast…Young Primetime…Randy Moss in the making.  I just adore him.

11.  There is nothing wrong with coming home to the confines of my four walls and not fooling with people.  I’ll socialize when I’m good and damn ready.

10. Being friends is better than relationships sometimes because as friends there are no lines to worry about crossing…laugh, have a good time, go your separate ways until you connect again!  I Will Sing Sing this with a smile on my face!

9.  Next year my plans will be laid out clearly and I will accomplish all of the goals that I set for myself…2017 is going to be EPIC!

8.  God told me to sit down and not be so busy… I did then I was able to see.

7.  God then told me to be quiet so I did then I was able to hear.

6.  God told me to be honest so I was, then my heart became lighter; I was no longer caring the burden of unfulfilled love.

5.  I got the toxic people out of my life and I’m still standing.  Who cares what other’s think?  People are going to talk anyway and only understand from their level of perception.

4.  As hard as I work, I will never let another person bring me down again…I’ve accomplished too much.  My resume looks GREAT at 35…IJS!

3.  My heart is not hardened but I will guard my heart because it is the source of life.  Love can come later…I’ll pass for now.

2.  Who would have thought that three years after meeting someone they would become a distant memory.

1. 35 is another milestone.  In my new year the goals I have set for myself can only be deterred by me and I am too ambitious to let myself down.

Happy Birthday to Me! 35 is year of dreams come true! 2017—7 the number of completion…I can’t wait to see what I will complete in the new year.

Leave People Where They Are

Sometimes you have to leave people where they are so that you do not stunt your growth.  Take a look around you, take in the faces you see, the many people you encounter in a day are fighting battles beyond their control.cc489911048d3d6ee19e0e528fa64722

It is easy to tell someone to give their problems to God, let go and everything will work itself out but what about the advice given that is the complete opposite.  Your closest friends, family members, and spiritual family will pray for you as you pray for yourself but as you pray, you feel your flesh becoming weaker by the day and you lose faith.

In an interesting roundabout of conversation I have communicated with people with various perspectives on love, relationships, and life and I learn something new each time these topics come up.  The issue of marriage is always a hot topic because most of the people that I am around daily are married and have been for a few years.  In a wide range of two years on up to 20 years or more, listening to these people speak on the topic, as I also contribute to the discussion, we hear each other saying the same things but how we deal with each situation is completely different.

Conflict is always the laughable stories.  Communication in relationships causes unwanted stress.  The discussion on finances always arises and figuring out how to balance it all is our common denominator.  But what do you do when all of this breaks down?  Do you throw in the towel or hang on and let the relationship take its course?

The idea of moving on is tough especially when you have completely invested yourself in the relationship and know that once you get over the hump things will get better.  I personally admire marital relationships that have lasted 20, 30, or even 40 plus years.  The relationships that have lasted that length of time show commitment to one another to see each obstacle all the way through together.  They didn’t just walk away because things got tough and almost unbearable.  They worked through the conflict and heartbreak in order to mend the connection they share.

However, on the flip side of working things out I was introduced to a different perspective.  Ironically people that are single want to be married, and married people want to be single because marriage takes a lot of work.

I heard a guy say in a discussion once that you don’t have to get married because that is what society expects you to do.  He said that people treat marriage like a trend, and after they see what it’s like and decide that they don’t like it, people just walk away.  He also said that people don’t take love seriously anymore.  He had a point because I know women including myself that have had to cope with failed relationships time and time again.

Now the guy was not bashing marriage and relationships but he said sometimes you just don’t want to be bothered.  He’s right! Ignoring your significant other makes matters worse if there is already tension in the air.  But he went on to say that relationships take a lot of work, almost too much work if you asked him…LOL. He was dead ass serious.  He set this scenario:  If your significant other is having a bad day, you have to put your feelings to the side, take on their concerns, sympathize with them to make sure they are okay then do something for them to make them feel better.  He didn’t say that he would have a problem doing it, he was simply saying that at the end of the a bad day, he likes going home to confines of his four walls and not dealing with anyone if he doesn’t have to.  That sounds easy but when there is already a breakdown that is not easy to do.

That’s not a selfish thought that is just where he is in his life and that is respectable.  At least he’s a man that knows who he is and what he is and isn’t ready for.   When he does finally decide to settle down I am sure the women he gives his love to will be truly adored.

All too often we jump into relationships, the new feelings and attention gives you goosebumps then the infatuation wears off.  The kind words turn into periods of silence and every conversation has a slither of conflict attached to it.  The roller-coaster of emotions is ushered in and you find yourself at an impasse.  Women are emotional creatures and internalize the breakdown and will see things for what they are while remaining optimistic.  Men will walk away using their heads and not their hearts not realizing the hurt they are causing.  This is not all relationships, but I have talked to so many women that have loved with all of their heart and still got handled badly.

If God is not at the center of these relationships, most times these relationships are failing.  Moving on sounds easy in theory but it’s a lot harder to do for some more than others.  Eventually you have to move on and leave people where they are.

So I have a question, do you think it is easy hang on because relationships have seasons or should you move on?  Leave a comment, I’m interested to know what you think.