My Love-Hate Relationship with Fitness

At my heaviest I weighed in at 190 pounds at five feet one inch.  I said to myself HELL NO this is not my life.  When I saw my clothes size balloon for me up to a size 12 and 14 I was secretly devastated but I was also upset about the things that had happened in my life.

Being a size six all throughout high school and even in my early 20’s was the best feeling ever so I knew something was up when after working out my size 6’s didn’t fit anymore. Surprise…You’re Pregnant!  I was elated about my first little bundle of joy.  I had a c-section so working out was not an option for at least eight weeks because for one I had sutures and had at least six weeks to wait for clearance from my doctor to do anything. Needless to say my mother-in-law at the time was extremely rude and insensitive about my weight gain and said to me when my baby—Lil Phil—was two months old, “You know what you can do to lose weight don’t you?”  I was emotionally unprepared for such a statement to come out of her mouth.  I immediately called my husband in tears while guzzling some Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream.  Postpartum hormones on 10!

I lost my weight by running four times a week at the time while in the Air Force.  Of course my second blessing was born while I was on active duty so the pressure to get back right was important to me.  Then next thing I knew in 2007 I was moving to my home state, in a new house, and relearning a familiar town but now as an adult.  I joined the gym but then that eventually got boring.

I fought with my then husband, we separated, I changed careers, I gained weight from lack of exercise, I lost weight due to overwhelming stress, I drank some, I slept a lot…I was unhappy and scared to start over.  Then one day I looked at my stomach full of stretch marks, my thick ass thighs, size 14 pants and decided that this was not healthy.  I hated feeling like I couldn’t cross my legs or feel completely comfortable in my clothes.  I was self-conscious but hid it with a smile.

Stress caused me to gain at one point because I was not active at all.  All I did was take care of my sons, go to work, and sleep.  I was trying to figure out my life and starting over.  I was 30 years old and my life was in an uproar.  I took charge!

So post divorce in 2011 I picked up a tennis racket and went to a private lesson with a group of friends.  It was fun and the tennis pro was fun.  I didn’t put the racket down and my true weight loss journey began.  I was determined to lose about 40 pounds because I felt entirely too heavy to be so short.  I have been playing tennis since the top of 2012 and I love it.  It keeps me active.  I was not good when I started and the way I play now is a major improvement.  So here I am five years later still playing, I have been on different teams under different captains, I have even been the captain…  My love affair with staying fit is a struggle especially when life gets in the way.

On top of playing tennis I was at the gym and at times spending up to three hours on some days working out.  Not the plan, but after leaving the gym I would get a text asking who could play tennis so I would jump at the opportunity especially in the summer time. I even jumped on the P90X extreme workouts and would tap out at about day 60.

I had a time or two that I took to the pavement again, playing around with the C25K running app.  I’d make it to week five and then get totally thrown off.  Life would interrupt my workout schedule and next thing I knew I was slowly gaining weight.

I saw my dress size begin to shift.  Those 14’s dropped to an eight and suddenly I felt too small.  Right now I am at a steady weight, some days I’m okay at 165, then it’ll drop to 160 and I’m okay with that.  I have a love-hate relationship with fitness.  I work out to relieve stress, take my mind off of things, and weight maintenance.  I still have a belly full of stretch marks and some days my stomach appears flat; other days I look at it and I’m reminded that life was carried there.

I am an active person.  I’m always going to show you something real.  This body takes work…cardio…elliptical…tennis…ministepper…running.  I don’t want to be pushing 200 pounds ever again.  I took control.  Besides I have to be around for Lil Phil and Pressy. They keep me young!

My journey to staying fit is ever evolving.  I’m not going to pay for a body.  I’ll just work on the body God gave me.

~LaTilya Rashon